The Village, take a fright.
In the rookeries.
Here the sloops of war and the dollymops flash it to spie a dowry of parny; there the bonneters cooled their longs and shorts in the hazard drums.
In every snickert and ginnel, bone-grubbers, rufflers, shivering-jemmies, anglers, clapperdogeons, peterers, sneeze-lurkers and Whip Jacks with their morts, out of the picaroon, fox and flimp and ogle.
A Hopping Giles gets a bloody Jemmy on the cross of a cut-throat; the snotters crib belchers, birds eye wipes, blue billies and Randals men.
In a boozing ken in the Holy Land, a dunk-horned cutter -- a cock-eyed clack box in flashy benjamin and blood red fancy -- shed a tear by the I desire.
But when he got the water of life down the common sewer, he bullyragged so antiscripturally that the barney hipped and nabbed the rust.
"This shove in the mouth makes me shoot the cat! Me dumpling depot is fair all-overish!"
He certainly had his hump up. He absquatulated. The bung cried: "Square the omee for the cream of the valley!" But the splodger had mizzled with his half-a-grunter.
At his ruggy carser, his poll -- a killing, ginger-hackled skull-thatcher -- kept on the nose for her jomer.
She had faked the rubber for her mendozy and got him up an out and out glorious sinner. There was an alderman in chains, a Ben Flake, a neddy of Sharps Alley blood worms, with Irish apricots, Joe Savace and storrac.
"Pray God," she said, "that he be neither beargeared, bleary, blued, primed, lumpy, top-heavy, moony, scammered, on the ran-tan, ploughed, muddled, obfuscated, swipy, kisky, sewed up nor all mops and brooms! Or that he hasnt lapped the gutter, cant see a hole in a ladder or been to Bungay Fair and lose both his legs!"
But what a flare-up in the soush! He dropped into her on the spot. Hed got a capital twist for a batty fang and he showed her it was dragging time; she was sick as a horse. He was a catchy fancy-bloke.
"You mouldy old bed-fagot, you rotten old gooseberry pudden, you ugly old Gill, you flea-ridden old moll!" he blasted. "Ill give you jessie, you Mullingar heifer!"
A barnacled cove (a spoffy blackberry swagger with a Newgate fringe) from the top floor back sang out: "Knife it, you head beetler! Stow faking!" But got a stunning fag on the twopenny that sent him half-way to Albertopolis.
She had bought the rabbit with that slubberdegullion. He peppered her and clumped her and leathered her till she went flop down on the Rory OMore and then he stepped it for the frog and toad, to go to Joe Blake the Bartlemy.
He hopped the twig on her.
"He ought to go to the vertical care-grinder!" she chived. "He ought to be marinated! Ill never poll up with a liver-faced, chatty, beef-headed, cupboard-headed, culver-headed, fiddle-faced, glumpish, squabby dab tros like him again!
"Im fairly in half-mourning -- it wont fadge, it just wont fadge. He gives me the Jerry go Nimbles. Ill stun him -- Ill streak. Ill pick up my sticks and cut."
So she bolted and took a speel on the drum to the top of Rome.
On Shitten Saturday, the worms pinned that scaly shaver of hers in a Tom and Jerry for starring the glaze; he went over the stile at Spike Park and got topped.
Glossary
Village, the London
take a fright night (rhyming slang)
rookeriesa slow neighbourhood inhabited by dirty
Irish and thieves
sloop of war, a whore (rhyming slang)
dollymop, aa tawdrily dressed maid-servant, a
streetwalker
flash it, toshow it, to display ones wares
dowry of parny, a a lot of rain
bonneter, a one who induces another to gamble
cool, toto look, to look over (back slang)
longs and shorts cards made for cheating
hazard drum, agambling dens, where the honest escape
penniless, if at all
snickert, a low alley way
ginnel, a still lower alley way
bone-grubber, aa person who hunts dust-holes, gutters,
and all likely spots for refuse bones, which
he sells at the ragshops, or to the bone-
merchants
ruffler, a beggar pretending to be an old, maimed
soldier
shivering-jemmy, aa begger who exposes himself, half-naked,
on a cold day to obtain alms. This occupation
is unpleasant but exceedingly lucrative
angler, an a thief who goes about with a rod, having a
hook at the end, which he inserts into open
windows at night on the chance of a catch
clapperdogeon, a a beggar who uses children, either of his own or
borrowed, in order to stir the sympathy of the
charitable
shed a tear, toto take a dram or glass of neat spirits; jocular
phrase used, with a sort of grim earnestness, by
old topers. The origin may have been that ardent
spirits, taken neat by younger persons, usually bring
water to their eyes
I desire fire (rhyming slang)
water of life gin (from aqua vitae?)
common sewer the throat
bullyrag, toto abuse or scold violently; to swindle out of money
by intimidation and sheer abuse
antiscripturaladj - applied to oaths when they are composed of
foul language
barneythe company
hip, toto be offended
nab the rust, toto take offence
shove in the mouth, aglass of spirits
shoot the cat, tovomit
dumpling depotbelly
all-overishadj. -- sick, unwell, out of order
have ones hump up, toto be in a fearful rage
absquatulate, todepart from an establishment without paying ones
score
bung landlord
square, to to settle a bill
omeeman-in-charge; governor; landlord (when used by
a landlord about himself)
cream of the valleygin
splodgerlout
mizzle, toto depart with great speed; to vanish
half-a-gruntersixpence
ruggyadj. -- frowsty, unclean
carserhouse, home
pollyoung lady with whom a gentleman is having an
irregular relationship
killingadjective of high commendation; outstanding; unique
ginger-hackledadj. -- having auburn or flaxen hair
skull-thatchera straw-bonnet maker
on the nose, to beon the look-out
jomersweetheart
fake the rubber, tostand treat in an extravagant manner
mendozydear, darling; a term of endearment probably from
the valiant fighter, Mendoza
out and out adj. -- first-rate; splendid
glorious sinner dinner (rhyming slang)
alderman in chains, an a turkey hung with sausages
Ben Flake, a a steak (rhyming slang)
neddy, aa large quantity of commodity, as in "a neddy of fruit",
"a neddy of fish"
Sharps Alley blood wormsblack puddings. Sharps Alley was very recently a
noted slaughtering place near Smithfield
Irish apricots potatoes
Joe Savage cabbage (rhyming slang)
storraccarrots (back slang)
beargeared
bleary
blued
primed
lumpy
top-heavy
moony
scammered
on the ran-tan - adjectives and phrases denoting various stages of
ploughed drunkenness
muddled
obfuscated
swipy
kisky
sewed up
all mops and brooms
lap the gutter, to
not be able to see a
hole in the ladder, to/
go to a Bungay Fair and to have reached the ultimate degree of intoxication. In the
lose both legs, toAncient Egyptian language, the determinative character of the
hieroglyphic verb "to be drunk" has the significant form of the
leg of a man being amputated
flare-up, arow
soushhouse (back slang)
drop into somebody, togive them an unprovoked beating
twistappetite, e.g. "Wills got a capital twist for a Ben Flake" or, in
the case of the hero of our anecdote, a capital twist for. . .
batty fang, a a sound beating, a drubbing
dragging timethe evening of a country fair day, when the young fellows begin
pulling the wenches about
sick as a horse popular simile denoting extreme ennui
catchy inclined to take undue advantage
fancy-bloke gentleman friend
bed-fagot bed companion
gooseberry puddenwoman (rhyming slang)
Gill terms of disapprobation applied to females
Moll
blast, to to curse
give jessie, to to commit assault and battery upon someone
Mullingar heifersaid of a lady whose ankles are "beefy", or thick. A term of Irish
origin. It is said that a traveller passing through Mullingar was so
struck with this pecularity in the local women that he determined to
accost the first he met next. "May I ask," said he, "if you wear hay
in your shoes?" "Faith, an what if I do?" said the girl. "Because,"
says the traveller, "that accounts for the calves of your legs coming
down to feed on it."
barnacledadj. -- applied to a wearer of spectacles (corruption of Latin
binnoculi?). Derived by some from the barnacle (Lepas Anatifera),
a kind of conical shell adhering to ships bottoms. Hence a marine
term for goggles, and for which they are used by sailors in a case of
ophthalmic derangement
coveor covey; a man or boy of any age
spoffyadj. -- officious, intrusive
blackberry swaggera person who hawks tapes, bootlaces, etc.
Newgate fringe, athe collar of beard worn under the chin; so called from its indicating
the position of the rope when Jack Ketch operates
sing out, toexclaim in a loud voice
knife it, toto stop, to bring to a halt
stow faking, toto cease evil activity
stunningadj. -- astounding
fagblow
twopennyhead
Albertopolisa facetious appelation given by Villagers to the Kensington Gore
district
buy the rabbit, tomake a bad bargain; obtain a deal of trouble and inconvenience
by some action
slubberdegullionworthless wretch
pepper, to
clump, to - degrees of beating
leather, to/
flop down, to go to collapse totally
Rory OMore floor (rhyming slang)
step it, to abscond
frog and toadmain road (rhyming slang)
Joe Blake the to visit a low woman in a house of ill-repute
Bartlemy, to go to
hop the twig, to to run away; to leave someone in the lurch
vertical care-grinder treadmill
chive, to to shout
marinated, to betransported; from the salt pickling herrings undergo in Cornwall
poll up, toto live with a member of the opposite sex in a state of
unmarried impropriety
liver-facedadj. -- mean, cowardly
chattyadj. -- infested with lice
beef-headedadj.-- stupid
cupboard-headedan expression designating one whose head is both wooden
and hollow
culver-headed adj. -- weak and stupid
fiddle-facedadj. -- applied to those with wizened countenances
glumpishadj. -- of a stubborn, sulky temper (our hero certainly fits the
bill here!)
squabby adj. -- fat, short and thick
dab tros bad sort (back slang)
in half-mourning, to beto have sustained a black eye, or "mouse", in the course of a
tussle
fadge, it wontexpression meaning "it just wont do", or "it just wont work"
Jerry go Nimbles diarrhoea
stun, to to astonish
streak, toto abscond
pick up ones sticks and to collect ones possessions and leave an establishment
cut, towithout notice; to do a "moonlight flit"
bolt, toto run away, escape
a speel on the to take a trip to the country
drum, to take
top of Rome home (rhyming slang)
Shitten Saturdaycorruption of "Shut-in Saturday"; the day between Good
Friday and Easter Sunday
wormpoliceman
pin, toto arrest, to apprehend
scalyadj. -- unpleasant, disgusting
shaveryoung person
Tom and Jerry, aa drinking shop
star the glaze, toto break the window or show-glass of a jeweller or other
tradesman, and take any valuable articles and run away.
Sometimes the glass is cut with a diamond, and a strip of
leather fastened to the piece of glass cut out to keep it from
falling in and making a noise. Another plan is to cut the sash
go over the stile, to to go for trial (rhyming slang)
Spike Park the Queens Bench prison
topped, to beto be executed. Which the brute richly deserved